This Christmas Gift Sucks (obscure 60s soul)

An obscure Motown Christmas classic, "This Christmas Gift Sucks" was recorded in 1963 by vinyl oddity Leroy “Smokey Gravy” Jenkins after he opened a pair of tube socks mid-session and lost his damn mind. Legend says he stormed into the studio wearing the socks on his hands, ranting over a greasy soul loop while the band tried not to laugh. Pressed on a limited-run 45 and buried under a gospel B-side, the funk-laced tantrum flopped—until holiday crate-diggers revived it as a cult soul favorite for the gift-traumatized. Lyrics: Mmm... You ever open somethin’ SO bad, you wanna slap Santa in his jingle bells? Yeah... this one’s for all the cheap-a** relatives out there. Merry broke-a** Christmas. Got a sweater from my aunt, three sizes too tight Looked like it lost a fight with the Christmas lights Said it’s “vintage” nah, that sh*t was cursed Like a possum wore it first, and left it in a hearse My cousin gave me socks with his d**n face stitched in Now every step I take, I’m stompin’ on his grin Grandma got me cologne from a corner store rack Smelled like bad choices. and a panic attack This Christmas gift sucks! like a slap in the n*ts Like a fruitcake with glass, or a bounced cheque for five bucks If thoughtfulness was gold, y’all broke as f*ck You can wrap up trash, but this Christmas gift sucks! Uncle gave me a mixtape said “this sh*t’s fire” It was 90 minutes of him breathin’ heavy and a flat spare tire Said “support the fam” man, don’t be bold I’d rather get socks with holes full of mold Auntie gave me lotion in a dusty-a** jar Had a hair floatin’ in it like it came from a bar Lil’ nephew made a drawing, said “that’s you and your boo” Looked like a stickman Santa that sniffed too much glue. This Christmas gift sucks! like expired eggnog Like mistletoe kisses from a foaming rabies dog Got me laughin’ so hard I just might upchuck It’s a Christmas-time disaster, This Christmas gift sucks! Now look... I ain’t tryin’ to be ungrateful But if your present look like leftovers wrapped in tinsel, I’m re-giftin’ that trash next year With a bow... and a middle f****r Got a “spa kit” from my sister all cheap and wrong It was a sponge, a rock and a half-used thong Said “Self-care is love” nah, this is a scam You giftin’ me junk while posting bling on the 'Gram! My girl made a coupon book “One sexy surprise” But it’s just her in sweatpants rollin’ her eyes Last year she gave me drama and a week on the couch This year I’m prayin’ "Santa, please help a brother out!" This Christmas gift sucks! it’s a holiday shame Like a gift-wrapped t*rd you think this is a game? It’s the thought that counts, but y’all ain't thinkin' too much, Put your effort where your mouth is This Christmas gift sucks! Yeah… So next year, save the glitter and the half-a**ed cheer If it ain’t useful, shiny, or costs real money, don’t come near I’ll smile, I’ll hug you, I’ll sip the punch slow But inside I’m screamin’, “Who raised y’all? I need to know.” Merry Christmas… And keep the receipt, baby. All music and lyrics written by Relatable Grooves. All video descriptions are made up for comedic purposes. I'm just an AI musician for fun. #aimusic #soulmusic #vinyl #christmasmusic #60s