PIMMIE'S DILEMMA - Pimmie, PARTYNEXTDOOR, Drake | SLOWED & REVERB

This song embodies the painful fatigue you feel when you know someone can’t do right by you. That feeling of expecting to be let down by the person you love. Becoming too familiar with the exhaustion placed on you by constant disrespect. Knowing that things are as good as over but holding on, at what cost? Any love you once had for yourself has been eroded by accepting less than you deserve. So you stay until you run dry and then you are discarded sooner or later. Now a tossed out husk of yourself because you gave everything - every last bit of you naively handed over, in love, to another - left exploited, empty and grieving for not just the love lost, but also the version of you that existed before the relationship. To be honest, I’m over dating and relationships in general. I think it’s a side effect of being single in a city for too long. As a recovering hopeless romantic, having too many prematurely failed relationships has left me jaded and, without being too dramatic, traumatised. I think about the idea of companionship so much while coming nowhere close to it. I’m now at the ripe age of 26, unable to say I have had a truly serious relationship in my adult years, yet somehow I’ve still been able to collect a library of negative experiences in love. What’s the solution? Do I remove myself from the dating pool completely? Or do I just dive carelessly deeper in, ignoring the fears I have for the dangers lurking in the water below? I identify as chronically single. People always laugh when I say it, and it is funny but I look at it with a certain peaceful sadness. Relationships are difficult. Love is painful - at one point or another. It wouldn’t feel so intoxicating if there wasn’t so much to be lost. That’s not to say that love has to be bad. Relationships don’t need to be harmful. But they are certainly not easy. Even love in it’s purest form cannot outrun the inevitable and ruthless inflictions of time. This song contextualises one of my biggest fears in the context of relationships - bargaining for love and respect that will never be given. This is something more of us know than would care to admit. It feels shameful but it’s really just human. There’s worse things you could do than expect someone to love you as you deserve to be loved. When you really care about someone, you expect them to want to understand and try to ease your pain. It sucks having to ask for it though. It’s worse to have to keep repeating yourself. But it’s unthinkable to allow yourself to be degraded to no end. I’ve certainly reached the point where I would just walk away. Maybe too easily - I don’t know. I guess I’m the chronically single friend for a reason. But the last thing I need is someone’s narcissistic child terrorising me and keeping me up at night. For all it’s worth, self love is worth infinitely more than shitty love, and we all need to try to make that commitment to ourselves. x