While I'm Down In London! - Jowl Grumsby (1942)

Anti-Globalist Techniques...Chapter 1 - When they aren't lookin... Oh...Sorry...Was I reading out loud? I thought I was alone...Yes I do read out loud when I am alone...It so I can be sure that those nasty Globalists know that I know that THEY know that I know that THEY KNOW. But OF COURSE...Because I know that THEY know but because THEY KNOW that I KNOW...But what THEY DONT KNOW is that I...*sigh*...Haven't a bloody clue what's for dinner. You're not a Globalist are you...BECAUSE IT WOULD BE A SHAME IF AN ACCIDENT WERE TO OCCUR IN THIS SHOP... Hmm? Oh you bought...CRISPS...WAAAAAIIT...What Flavour? Cheese and Onion? Oh Good, I had to check you out...can't be too careful nowadays. Now...Can you be helped? Oh, you're after some music...Well...How about a piece of history...er...hang on... Rumages through boxes, finds a Hermetically Sealed Case covered in dust, blows dust away, opens case with a hiss This is a little piece of history me-laddo. Back in Dubya-Dubya Two when London was getting bombed to shite, courtesy of some Whingebag Painter who wanted...I dunno...Chocolate or something...anyway...It all started when this bloke shot thi... 8 Fukn Hours later ...Which is why that Gorilla got shot and why Australian Dollars are heretofore now known as "Dollery-Doos"...ARE YOUS LISTENING TO MEH YOU UNGRATEFUL SMOGG!? Well...It's important that you understood all that, otherwise it doesn't make sense. I'll just give you the cliff-notes (whatever the hell they are...I just keep hearing the term thrown around) Jowl Grumsby was a semi-Notorious arteest sometime around the interwar period...The aforementioned "London Gettin' Bombed to Shit". He was known for being able to perform what can only be called "The Cheekiest, Shit-Eating Grin known to man". It did wreck hell and highwater on his teeth though (I'm not a bloody dentist, don't ask me about the Science). Coupled with being a chain-smoker (A Carton a Week), he invented the "Stereotypical English Look" we all know, love and to a lesser extent, mock to this day. The people he's mentioned in the lyrics? No, I don't know who they are...but it sounds like they're naughty political figures...Just an educated guess... No, I don't know why he's called "Jowl"...something to do with Head-Cheese or something...I think it's a type of meat...Then again, he WAS British so...maybe there's a connection between "Mad Cow Disease" and his Parents there. Now GRUMSBY...Perfectly good English name...Like...DERBYSHIRE and WORCHESTER SAUCE (For you Yanks, It's pronounced Wish-ter-shosh-ter-shee-tur...no, Can't be bothered, I'll do it later)...Hm?...OH YES! TALLY-HO! On the Record Player she goes! Throws record onto player, lands miraculously CHOCKS AWAY! Record Player starts up...Automatically?...Weird... Lyrics [Verse] I'm heading down't London To Annoy the politicians Labour makin' sum really bad decisions It's reyt fun, I'd like to say Now let's all make 'em suits pay All the while on 'oliday When I'm down in London [Verse] Two-Tier Keir, Big Bolshevik Squeezed in't suit, now, for next trick Big on Talk, but extra thick When I'm down in London [Verse] Ali and Starmer, Get along fine Nights in t'office, bottle of wine Can I just swap his wife for mine? Next time I'm in London [Bridge] Havin' a turkey, havin' a laugh Don't think it will get old The curren' 'ministration It's just bloody comedy gold [Verse] Angie Ray, now she's quite sweet Ali's dress makes 'er look neat I'd rather stare at 'er... ... Kitchen Suite!? When I'm down't London [Verse] Rachael Reeves, Account'n Lass Reckon she been smokin' too much grass I could do 'er job, and without the sass When I'm down in London [Bridge] Havin' a turkey, havin' a laugh Don't think it will get old The curren' 'ministration It's just bloody comedy gold [Verse] Mr Ed, now 'ees talkin' swill Net-Zero fluff, trying to shill CHRIST! Singin' to the bloody windmills While I'm down in London [Verse] Now Jess Philips, she's quite fiery If only she could hire me 'cause I'd do the bloody inquiry When I'm down in London [Bridge] Havin' a turkey, havin' a laugh Don't think it will get old The curren' 'ministration It's just bloody comedy gold [Verse] David Lam, all gurn and gape Thinks a conclave’s just a vape Couldn’t reason with a grape When I’m down in London [Scat] [Verse] They's all mugs and Globalist Goons When they're all done, that day soon I'll be knockin' back sum' pints at 'spoons Next Time down in London #10downingstreet #keirstarmer #westminster #bbc #bbcnews #worldeconomicforum #globalism #davidlammy #edmiliband #houseofcommons #houseoflords #oldies #london #londonlife #veday #veteransday #satire I included a bunch of tags to get their attention...Ain't I a stinker? Remember folks!...IT'S SPICY CRITICISM!