Larry David Quotes #LarryDavid #LarryDavidQuotes #Quotes

Larry David Quotes American - Actor July 2, 1947 Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough. I'm a walking, talking enigma. We're a dying breed. I don't take on big things. What I do, pretty much, is make the big things small and the small things big. The addition of nuts in salad... I always find to be beneficial. It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn't happen that often. Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman. The lunch in a normal American restaurant is very problematic for me. I don't like to have hot food for lunch. If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny. There's also a certain rhythm to the way Jews talk that might be funny. I don't think anyone really is interested in reading about my emotional state. It's not even interesting to me. I think golf is literally an addiction. I'm surprised there's not Golf Anonymous. I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all. I was interested in being a great comedian. At first, I didn't realize it was gonna be a character. I just thought I was gonna be doing me. My life has changed. I'm not walking around any more wishing I wasn't me, which was the case at one time. I'm not a person who embraces challenges. I run from challenges. I break world records running from challenges. Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious. Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days. I'm one of the idiots that negotiates after I write. Millions of people are married. I've never picked up a paper and seen a headline that says, Man Gets Married! I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood. When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom. I've been in therapy. I know enough about myself now to know that I really don't need to know anymore. Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy. Anything that's for free, people will take. They don't discriminate. I tend to stay with the panic. I embrace the panic. My defensiveness in life really helps me as a driver. The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for pants in stores anymore. I never thought for a second that anything I ever did was going to make someone cringe. That never occurred to me. I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out. Once I know people know who I am, it gives me a lot of licence and freedom to behave in ways I wouldn't normally. My background is degradation and sloth, mostly. Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror. I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently. I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become very commercialized. Well, after the divorce, I went home and turned all the lights on! It's that I wasn't suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were coming to hear - mainstream comedy. It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home than overseas. I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish. I have quite a house. People come over and I go, 'I know, I'm sorry.' I don't like to be out of my comfort zone, which is about a half an inch wide. People don't yell nasty things at actors - they let them continue. I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, 'Hey, I've still got it.' I don't like to say anything good. I feel like I'll jinx myself. Perhaps I have a wider range than I'd given myself credit for. No, I am a crier and if people ever saw me privately they would be shocked at what a bowl of mush I am underneath it all. I'm surprised sometimes at how some of my actions are misinterpreted. And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but a version of me. I just wanted laughs - that's really what I was after. Most of the time I'm thinking, I'm glad that scene was improvised. Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm Jewish. Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about it. If I was going onstage, of course I would talk about it. How could I not? I'm not interested in closure. Some people just have heart attacks and die, right? There's no closure. You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're a kid. There's nothing that reflects me. I'm unreflectable! If I tried to flirt with a woman and she didn't know who I was, she would run away. Anytime I'm involved with anything that's well-received, it's a surprise to me.