"H" on Surviving the Narcissist Next Door: When Walking Away Isn’t an Option
What do you do when the narcissist isn’t an ex—you still have to see them at work, in your family, or in your building? In this powerful conversation, hosts John “Philly” Fletcher and Sydney Curtin sit down with H, a veteran teacher and Muslim American, to unpack life with a narcissist you can’t leave. We dig into gaslighting vs. reality, boundaries that protect (not punish), culture and faith dynamics, avoiding “secret-keeping” that empowers abuse, and practical strategies for staying sane when contact is unavoidable. “You can’t change a narcissist, but you can reclaim your life. Boundaries are not punishment—they’re protection.” Topics we cover What narcissism is (and isn’t) + NPD traits vs. everyday self-focus Gaslighting = theft of your reality (not “confusion”) Boundaries that change your role—not the narcissist Living with a narcissist in family systems (golden child/scapegoat/enabler) Faith perspectives: forgiveness, wisdom, and leaving well Safety, documentation, and “grey rock” communication when you can’t go no-contact #Narcissism #NarcissisticAbuse #Gaslighting #Boundaries #GreyRock #ToxicRelationships #EmotionalAbuse #HealingJourney #FaithAndMentalHealth #FamilySystems #CoParenting #SurvivorStories #MentalHealthAwareness #CommonGroundPodcast #YouAreNotAloneKey Takeaways You can’t fix a narcissist; you can change your role. Boundaries protect your reality and limit access. Gaslighting = theft, not confusion. It steals your confidence in your own mind. Silence ≠ surrender. Sometimes it’s self-respect (grey rock/minimal contact) when debate is weaponized. Avoidance isn’t a strategy—boundaries are. Use clear limits + consequences; document interactions. Faith can guide forgiveness without erasing wisdom. Forgive and shake the dust when words aren’t received. Family systems matter. Know the roles (golden child/scapegoat/enabler) to stop playing the script. Safety first. Plan, document, and loop in support (friends, HR, counsel, or advocates). Chapters 00:00 Disclaimer 01:03 Welcome + dad joke opener 03:00 Meet H: teacher, Muslim American, post-9/11 context 10:50 Family, culture, and “what counts as narcissism?” 12:10 Defining narcissism vs. NPD (clinically) 19:40 Dysfunctional family roles vs. narcissistic abuse 25:10 Early warning signs: blame-shifting, control, “name can’t be said” 27:00 Gaslighting explained (and why it steals confidence) 30:35 When avoidance helps—and when it backfires 34:10 Boundaries that protect (not punish) 37:50 Faith & forgiveness without losing self-respect 57:40 Key takeaways + final five Find "H" on IG @haajee86 🎙️ Hosts: John Fletcher & Sydney Curtin — The Common Ground Project USA 🎙️ Connect with The Common Ground Podcast: Website: thecommongroundprojectusa.com IG: @Phillygolive 👇 Don’t forget to:👍 Like | 💬 Comment | 🔔 Subscribe | 🔗 Share to help others find Common Ground 💡 We want to hear from you! Share your biggest takeaway from this episode in the comments on YouTube, Spotify, or Apple Podcasts. Each week, one listener’s comment will win a special gift inspired by our guest. 🗓 Giveaway runs Tuesday 9:00 AM – following Tuesday 8:59 AM. Missed it? Subscribers to The Common Thread newsletter are automatically entered in our monthly second-chance drawing. Because your story matters. Your voice matters. And we can’t wait to hear from you