If I Were a Sunni Thinking of Joining ISIS...

I wonder how many Muslims would join ISIS if they realized that ONE day to Allah is a THOUSAND years of what WE count, thus, Allah is VERY slow. I also wonder how many Muslims know why the black stone in Mecca ended up in the pieces it's in now? I wonder how many Muslims know about Abu Tahir and the Qaramatians who attacked Mecca, killed 20,000 Sunni Muslims, stole the black stone and held it for ransom. Again, I wonder how many Muslims know why the black stone is NOT in one piece. Anyway, according to the sahih hadith, Muhammad said that if you eat seven ajwa dates in the morning, you will be protected ALL day from both magic AND poison. Before I joined ISIS, I'd want to test to see if Muhammad was a true prophet by eating those certain number of dates, then taking a spoonful of cyanide. IF I survived, then THEN I'd be more likely to join up with ISIS...Also, I'd be more likely to join ISIS IF...I wasn't a "Person of the Book" (of the Christian variety), though, and didn't realize that the Quran says it confirms the "before Scriptures" (Bible) telling Muslims to come to ME for my READING of such before scriptures (Quran 10:94) while ALL Muslims believe the Bible to be corrupted. I'd be more likely to join ISIS in a HEART beat IF...I didn't know that the Quran says the sun, when it "runs to a RESTING place" then "sets in a MUDDY spring", where it then, according to Muhammad in the sahih Hadith, says the sun, "asks/seeks permission (of Allah) to RISE again". I'd join up with ISIS IF I didn't realize that the Quran says embryos are "clots of congealed blood", that sperm comes from BETWEEN the ribs and BACK-bone (no mention of testicles), that the bones of a fetus form FIRST, that the the earth is "spread out like a carpet" (which you find out in the hadith is on the back of a giant fish called "Nun"), that says, in Quran 4:34, that you can BEAT your wife if you just FEAR rebellion from her, that you can kill your INNOCENT children ("honor" killing) just by FEARING that they will "grow up to disappoint parents or show 'ungratefulness toward Allah" (Quran 18:74-81), or, that in Quran 4:24, you can rape someone's wife if she's your slave (I say RAPE because there is no mention of consent from either the non-Muslim husband or even wife to make it plain old fashioned adultery). Quran 4:24 is far worse than it sounds, for, when you couple the first part of Quran 4:24 with Sunan Abu Dawud 2:2150 and Muslim 8:3432-3433, it makes for the allowance to rape non-Muslim women in the "PRESENCE of their non-Muslim husbands". I mean, IF I didn't know about the EVIL of Quran 9:1-5 and 9:29 (that allow Muslims to break peace treaties and force non-Muslims (under the threat of DEATH) to pay a high tax, called "jizyah"-- which is going on in Iraq and Syria under ISIS now thanks to Quran 9:1-5, 29), well, if I DIDN'T know that Quran 3:28, 16:106 and Muhammad saying "war is deceit" that makes it so you can LIE, and if I DIDN'T know that Allah was the "best of deceivers" to the point of only making it APPEAR that Jesus went to the cross, when, secretly, taking Jesus up to heaven to partner with Allah-- creating damning Christianity in the process IF Islam is true...and if I didn't realize that the Quran said such stupid things such as "one day to Allah is a thousand years of what WE count" (Quran 32:5), or, that it takes FIFTY THOUSAND YEARS for the ANGELS and the SPIRIT (Jibril?) to REACH Allah (Quran 16:102) meaning Allah can't do ANY-thing for It moving incredibly slow, the same with the angels and Jibril (even though Jibril was supposedly "handing down" Quran revelations from Allah to Muhammad DAILY in HUMAN time), well, if I didn't know all that evil and stupidity IN the Quran...such as the the sun and moon "traveling in boats similar to that of their offspring Noah" (Quran 36:40-42 as Al Tabari elaborates further with by saying NOT boats but a chariot before describing how a solar eclipse occures ACCORDING to Muhammad)...well, if I DIDN't know about all the stupid and evil stuff in the Quran that ALLOWS for such evil for Muslims to do, and, again, IF I WASN'T a "Person of the Book"... I'd probably join up with ISIS. I'd be an ISIL (pronounced "ice-hole"). But one of the things that REALLY keeps me from joining ISIS, is WHY does a "holy" Being (Allah) need to THREATEN me with a "PAINFUL DOOM" (Quran 9:38, 39) if I DON'T kill and be killed for IT, while, at the SAME time, using the promise of eternal sex (with virgins of BOTH sexes) if I die KILLING for It? WHY should Allah appeal to one's base nature (sex drive/penis) to motivate to KILL for IT!?! That REALLY keeps me from joining up with ISIS and makes me think Allah might actually be telling the TRUTH about It being the "best of deceivers". You'd think that the Muslims thinking of joining ISIS would wonder what was WRONG with this picture... BIG time.