Seinfeld India

KRAMER: Well, you gotta give me something! Come on, how was the wedding? Was the bride radiant? ELAINE: She.. was. JERRY: 'Till she found out Elaine slept with the groom. KRAMER: (Interested) Ooohh.. That sounds juicy. Listen, I gotta go to the bathroom, but I want to hear all about it. (Gets up and heads for the bathroom) GEORGE: (While skimming a Monk's menu) You know, I didn't go to the bathroom the entire time we were in India. JERRY: I can't believe we went all the way to India for a wedding! (Scene ends) [Setting: India] (Notice: "ONE DAY EARLIER" People storm out of a building. All are dressed in wedding apparel) SUE ELLEN: That's it! The wedding's off. PINTER: What? But, Sue Ellen- SUE ELLEN: (Cutting him off. To Elaine) Elaine, you were my maid of honor and you slept with MY Pinter?! ELAINE: No, no, no! It was years ago - before you met him. And, and I got to tell you.. it was very mechanical. SUE ELLEN: I have never been so humiliated! ELAINE: (To Jerry and George) Idiots! This is all yoru fault! GEORGE: (While pointing at Jerry) Not me! Him! His fault! He betrayed me! JERRY: (Pleading) George, I'm sorry.. GEORGE: You can stuff your sorries in a sack, Mister! JERRY: (Confused) I don't know what that means. GEORGE: (To his girlfriend) Alright, Nina, you have to decide right now. Jerry or me? NINA: (Casually) Alright.. Neither. GEORGE: What?! Well, what are you doing here? NINA: A free trip to India. And by the way, you can take off those boots. Everyone knows you're five' six. GEORGE: Five' eight! Five' seven! ELAINE: (To Sue Ellen) See? See the way they are?! We're - we're still best friends, right? SUE ELLEN: No. (Grabbing at the stud in Elaine's nose) And take that stupid thing out of your nose! (Elaine screams in pain as Sue Ellen pulls the stud out) JERRY: That's got to hurt, I don't care where you're from! GEORGE: (Whispering to Jerry) What time is our flight back? I got to go to the bathroom. (Scene ends) [Setting: A building in India] (Notice: "FIFTEEN MINUTES EARLIER" The bride, Sue Ellen, and the Groom, Pinter, are walking down the aisle. Elaine is scattering flowers behind them. Jerry walks in and takes a seat) ELAINE: (Whispering to Jerry) Hey. JERRY: Hey. ELAINE: What happened last night? JERRY: Oh, you were pretty loaded. ELAINE: (Gesturing to her nose stud) I know. I woke up with this. JERRY: Oh. Hello, Tetanus. (Scene cuts to Nina and George entering the wedding hall) NINA: George, I've used the bathroom. It's fine. GEORGE: (Struggling) No, no, no, no. I can walk it off. It's a hundred and twenty degrees in here.. I'll sweat it out. ELAINE: (Seeing George, she walks over to greet him) Hey. (Looking at his shoes) Are those Timberlands painted black? GEORGE: (Looking at her nose) Is your nose pierced? ELAINE: (Embarrassed) I should.. (Walks tward the bride and groom) GEORGE: Yeah. (Points to two open seats in front of Jerry's. To Nina) Sit down there. (Sees Jerry in the crowd) Hello, Jerry. (Obviously angered at Jerry) I believe you know Nina. JERRY: (As George sits down) George, we need to talk. GEORGE: (Trying to keep his voice down) I think you've done a lot more than talk! You betrayed me! JERRY: Alright, I admit it. I slept with Nina, but that's all. GEORGE: (Outraged) "That's all"?! That's everything! I don't know what all the rest of it is for anyway! JERRY: (Pleading) I'm really sorry. GEORGE: You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister! JERRY: (Confused) Where'd you get that one? GEORGE: It's an expression. ELAINE: (From the front of the room, she can hear George and Jerry's heated discussion) Hey! Shhhhh! (Crosses herself, then shakes her head - apologizing) GEORGE: (Trying to whisper to Jerry) Look, we are gonna settle this right now! I demand reparations! I should get to sleep with Elaine. That's the only way to punish you! JERRY: That doesn't punish me. It punishes Elaine! And cruelly, I might add. GEORGE: (Losing it) Funny guy! (Elaine casually makes her way to Jerry and George) ELAINE: Hey! Monkeys! Knock it off. My best friend is trying to get married up here! GEORGE: Elaine, you have to sleep with me. ELAINE: (Definite) I'm not gonna sleep with you. GEORGE: Reparations! ELAINE: Would you grow up, George?! What is the difference? Nina slept with (Points to Jerry) him, he slept with me, I slept with Pinter. Nobody cares! It's all ancient history. GEORGE: (Loud, so everyone at the wedding can hear) You slept with the groom?! (Everyone goes silent. George and Elaine both look sheepishly. All eyes on them, expecially Sue Ellen) (Scene ends)