OUR CIVIL PARTNERSHIP

IAN I MISS YOU SO MUCH . Ian's character was very strong and he was always in control, but he was not good at taking my advice to look after his health and follow through any tests." "After a year of bad luck with our business, in November last year, Ian seemed a bit calmer. We had been through a very bad patch and but things were finally settling down. Ian returned to the Claude Nicol Clinic for blood tests. This was when they became concerned about raised glands around his neck. These had been prominent since being diagnosed, yet Ian put it down to typical HIV symptoms. Unfortunately this was not the case. The consultant showed great concern and Ian underwent an operation to remove a gland for testing." "This was the beginning of our long-term relationship with some fantastic human beings, the staff on Howard 2 Ward, or as Ian would call them, angels. Everyone has visions or ideas of what it is like on a specialist HIV ward. The day we arrived I expected to see something quite different to what I did. We waited in the day room for Ian's room to be available. The ward consists of 6 rooms and one treatment room. We initially met Guido, who opened the ward when it was originally called the Elton John Ward at Brighton General Hospital. Although Guido is straight, he was genuine and respected the fact we were gay and have all the same concerns and feelings as any other heterosexual couple might have. We never had to hide the love and concerns we had for each other. In fact most of the nursing staff were straight, but we never felt awkward about showing our love towards each other, everyone was so friendly and caring. I was included in everything and if I was not present at the original conversation, a doctor would come back when I was there to explain Ian's progress and future treatment." "Three weeks passed and the results of the gland tissue came back. Ian had a very rare condition called Castleman's disease. It has the same symptoms as cancer and affects the lymph nodes. By now Ian's health had rapidly deteriorated and he was very short of breath. He was showing classic signs of pneumonia although we were later to discover this was not he case." "Ian was re-admitted on December 19 with suspected pneumonia. His vial load was tremendously low. The first objective was to return his breathing to normal and drain the fluid that was causing the problem. Next he was put on anti-virals for the HIV, and then he needed chemotherapy to conquer the Castleman's disease." "Christmas on Howard 2 was inevitable, but by then this was not a problem. It was probably better than a lot of Christmases we'd had in the past. They let our dog in on Christmas day, (it turns out that Scrappy could visit any day), and Ian woke up to presents from the staff on the ward." "Ian's response to the treatment was positive, and he returned home the day before New Year's Eve. The nurses equipped us with the medication we needed, and assured us they were a phone call away if we had any concerns. Only two days at home and Ian went down hill rapidly. One call to Howard 2 and we had a bed secured for his return." "In a short time Ian had built a trusting relationship with the staff on Howard 2 and the thought of going anywhere else was out of the question. He had two visits to intensive care, both of which were life-threatening experiences, and each time he pleaded to be returned to Howard 2. Those nurses and doctors became family to us. We argued like family, and we cried like family. There was never a limit to the time I stayed with Ian, I even lived there for the final month. We knew them all by name. We knew their family backgrounds and hobbies. They respected our love and they fought for our future. When the time came that no more could be done for Ian, I wanted him to be somewhere else rather than in hospital, but this was not to be. I remember shortly before Ian died, one of the nurses, Suzanne, saying 'We not only care for patients, but we also help them pass away peacefully.' Ian could not have died in a more loving and caring place." "What I would like to get across is that people still die from HIV. Although there are treatments out there, they only work if you abide by the guidelines. Without the discipline to go for regular checkups and, when necessary, take medication - they too have a good chance of dying. Remember the people you leave behind. It took just four months for me to lose the love of my life."